What a year this has been. I am about to embark on an adventure after almost 9 months of planning and researching and discussing with my friends and family. And in the process of planning and researching and discussing, I have been transformed, or so my friends have told me. But I don’t think I’ve been transformed. I like to think that I’ve just found myself.
All the things I’ve done, losing weight, getting fit, eating better, kickboxing, spinning, knitting, hiking, kayaking, developing peaceful mind, contented spirit, happy mood (for the most part), quick return to happy mood after a bad mood…all this has been within me all this time and it just took one initial decision to climb Mt. Doom, to bring it all out from within me. Everyone should have a Mt. Doom that they want to conquer. It will amaze you to discover all the potential within yourself. When I first made the decision to climb the volcano, my main thoughts were to get in shape so that I wouldn’t be left behind by the bus, and to not die. And as my journey to succeed in this goal progressed, it awakened things in me that I had forgotten such as my love of travel, the enjoyment of just doing the research for travel and writing. If you’ve read any of my earlier posts, you’ll know that I have been rewriting the Bilbo story because I didn’t like the ending. I actually have come to the realization that it can’t be rewritten, which actually is also a big step for me. Realizing that not everything can be changed and accepting that fact. But you should also realize by now that I am stubborn. I may have to leave my story unfinished and admit defeat or I may complete it years down the road and have a new ending. Anyways, that is something that no one will read except myself. And years down the road, I’ll probably be shaking my head at how silly it was but my efforts to rewrite the story lead me to New Zealand and in the process initiated an awakening in me, so perhaps it’s not that silly.
How silly can it be if it got me into kickboxing, spinning, hiking and kayaking! Kayaking! I love kayaking! And I’ll be going on a two day one night kayaking trip which means sleeping outdoors, in a tent. Me, in a tent! OMG! Yes, it’s only one night, but for me, that’s a huge step. I have discovered the love of photography and what better place to go to than New Zealand to get my fill of beautiful scenery. And let’s not forget hiking! I don’t think I’ve ever spent so much time outdoors ever this summer. I will never really enjoy mucking about in mud, but I know that I can hike in the rain and still have a good time. Thanks to Nicole who wanted to “get some fresh mountain air”, we both discovered that hiking in torrential rains was not as terrible as we thought. Luckily for me, I’ll be hiking in the summer in New Zealand. Of course the weather and location may still result in mud and torrential rains, but I know I can do it and still enjoy it. At least New Zealand doesn’t have bears or cougars.
I think the point of no return for me was when I climbed my first mountain in New Brunswick. Standing at the top of the mountain with nothing else around you. The stillness, the quiet. Being the only person on top of the mountain. Knowing that I did it all on my own, with no one else to push me onwards except myself. And then the trek back down the mountain, fearing that I was lost and then to realize that being lost is not all that bad as long as you don’t panic, a lesson well learned for all of my later hikes. I think I only ever had one hike this whole summer where I did not get lost. And at the same time, realizing that I can do things on my own. That I didn’t need anyone else with me. Though having a hiking partner is also enjoyable and common sense would indicate it is also safer. Still, hiking on my own, being on top of the mountain on my own, it was amazing and still is amazing when I did subsequent hikes on my own this summer.
When this post comes out, everyone will probably be at a New Year’s Eve party. I will most likely be sleeping or maybe relaxing with my never ending knitting project, my feather and fan scarf which I started at the beginning of this year and will most likely not be completed until after my New Zealand trip. I will not be bringing it with me on my trip. The big ball of yarn is just too big. I’d have to buy excess luggage just to bring it with me. Other than my never ending knitting project, I will start the New Year fresh and ready for Baby N’s first birthday party. I can’t wait to show you what I made for him, I know he’ll only be one year old, but I hope he likes it and it becomes a favourite.
I’ve said before that I feel different, but to say that I’ve found myself, it’s strange because it took so long for me to find myself. But I’m glad I did. And I know that I will continue to find more of myself as the weeks and months and years go by. There are so many more mountains to conquer.
May you all have a Happy and Safe New Year. I am not a believer in New Year’s Resolutions, but perhaps if you find a Mt. Doom of your own, it will help you have a successful and transformative year. It may even help you find yourself.